To the Man I Have Loved for Five years, Because I Don't Tell You Enough

When we first got together my now husband and I would lay in bed for hours and talk about everything in life. So long that we would fall asleep just before he had to wake to leave for work. Back then titles were scary. We both had just left relationships behind and were taking a chance on something that we feared may not work. Five years later, though, I am still certain that our path's were met by fate. I was and still am persistent and a controlling perfectionist. I walk into a room with a loud entrance and sometimes I am more stubborn than I like to admit. Somehow, the laid-back, quiet, caring and gentle man that I thought only existed in my dreams fell in love with me. He always said that celebrating anniversaries was senseless until there was a wedding anniversary to rejoice about each year. And mostly, our relationship has been timeless, even now, almost two years after our wedding day. Recently, though, it dawned on me that five years has come and gone in the blink of an eye. I never had an exact date embedded into my memory of when it all began, but I do know that it was during the remnant's of winter. It seems impossible, really. Some days, I still feel like a little school girl when we're together. My heart palpitates and my stomach spasms like it would if I were on a roller coaster. 

Since realizing that I have been happily in love for five incredible years, my thoughts have gradually traveled down memory lane, generously reminding me of how lucky I really am. Sadly though, as a busy life would have it, these reminders are rarely spoken out loud and instead, quick hello's are exchanged at the end of a long day along with a wealth of chaos standing between a much needed trade of love and affection. 

So, to the man who I still find myself drooling over, even on our worst days, you are the best thing in my life. And for the record, by worst days, I mean the days that life consumes us and we forget that somewhere in the midst of it all, our relationship really does exist. You may not realize it, because I innocently do not tell you enough, but I see you. I feel you, I feel for you , and I want you, every single day. 

I listen to you, you know. In the middle of the night when you and the rest of the house are sound asleep. I listen to your light snores as I lay in bed, restless and in love. I reach for you and hold onto you in that moment. The arm that I gently wrap around you moves with your chest as you breathe. And in that moment I am blissfully aware of the incredible life that we lead.   

I also watch you intently as you do something you love. You probably aren't aware of my eyes that are locked on your every move when you connect a paint brush to a canvas or when you swing your hockey stick and puck into a much anticipated goal. I watched you the other day when you dragged me to work with you to finish up one last thing. I sat in the car with the slobbery, panting dog and overly antsy child of ours. I watched you work and then again when you walked proudly back to your family waiting for you in the car. It's moments like that make my heart feel full of love. I don't tell you enough how grateful I am for your hard work everyday to support our family. You don't hear enough that you are the most selfless and hard working man I know. 

I haven't told you in awhile that my heart races on the rare occasion that we get to spend a date night together, just like old times. Even in the middle of the most mundane of days, the thought or sight of you increases the contractions of my heart. Seeing your name across the screen of my phone instantly puts a smile on my face. My stomach spasms when I watch you play with our daughter. And then again when she throws herself at you and wraps her tiny little arms around your waist. Your laugh is contagious and your smile can brighten any room. I prefer to smell your cologne over fresh laundry detergent any day and I am more than grateful for your unlimited talent in taking on all of the projects around the house that I relentlessly force you into. You are way too humble to admit it, but I'd say your skills are just as good, if not better, than Chip Gaines. Maybe you didn't know this, but I really do pay attention to what you say. When you text me in the middle of the day with a "sigh, I might as well go eat worms" because I haven't been paying attention to you, my heart bursts with love. Because you always want me, and only me. 

I know I don't say it enough, but as promised, I love you today more than I did yesterday. Five years has ultimately felt like a few short months, but I think that's the way it's supposed to be when your happy and in love. This journey has been quite adventurous and I expect that the next five years will trump the last. So, because I don't tell you enough, thank you for being you and all that you do. Five years seems like quite the milestone now, but I imagine in ten years my heart will be twice as big. 

My handsome husband, you drive me beyond the brink of wild and I love you more than you'll ever really know. 

Photo Credit: M.Tingley Photography